Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
