I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
