I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I touched a dick in church today
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
