never play flip cup with pint glasses
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
