Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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