I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
