Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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