yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
