i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
