He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
