U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
