Sponge bath it is.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
