We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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