I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
