I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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