I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
