Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
