Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
