can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
