i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
