You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this just has baby written all over it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I AM VODKA MAN
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
