i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
