so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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