hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
