You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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