1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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