Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
