Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
