It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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