It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need a beard to bite.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
