you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize