All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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