Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
