around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
