Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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