using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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