Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
