I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
