My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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