holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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