I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
