Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
