I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
