If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
