did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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