I cockslap morals
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
