i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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