Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
