he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
