just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
