I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just pynch a tree in the face
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
