the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
