Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
barbara walters just said penis...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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