I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
