Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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