I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
