Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
