i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
