she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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