i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
