smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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