He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
