At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
