thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
