im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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